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10 Funny Things Nigerian Church Ushers Do That Deserve a Grammy 🏆😂
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Data Flexer
103 days ago1. Their Eye Contact Can Move Mountains 👀
Ushers don’t talk — they stare.
One glance and you will adjust your skirt, switch off your phone, and stop chewing gum instantly.
2. They Walk Like Secret Agents 🕵🏾
Always moving slowly but with purpose.
Like they’re guarding the president of Heaven.
3. They’ll Tap You to Stop Sleeping During Service 😴👉
You only closed your eyes for 5 seconds.
Tap!
> "Wake up, the devil is around."
4. They Give You Offering Basket Like a Threat 😐🧺
No words. Just stretch hand with serious face.
Even if you had no money, you’d drop something out of fear.
5. They Block You From Going to the Toilet at Wrong Time 🚫🚽
“You want to pee during sermon?”
> “Sit down and hold it. Holy Spirit will help you.”
6. They’ll Seat You Where Nobody Asked For You 😭🪑
You chose back row? Too bad.
They’ll carry you to the front like VIP.
7. They’re Human CCTV Cameras 🎥
Someone’s chewing gum? They’ve seen it.
Somebody stepped out? They noted the time.
They're more alert than soldiers.
8. They Will Fan Pastor More Than They Fan Themselves 🌬️🧎
Even if pastor is sweating small, fanning will be aggressive.
Meanwhile, they’re the ones about to faint.
9. They’ll Make Sure Nobody Escapes Before Closing Prayer 😂🚪
You try to sneak out?
> “Where are you going?”
You: “To—to check something outside.”
Usher: “Check it after benediction.”
10. They’ll Whisper in Tongues While Doing Their Job 🔥🗣️
“Rabo shataka, move to that side. Shilabaraba, sit here please.”
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😂 Tag that one usher in your church that fits this description!