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10 Funny Things Nigerian Pastors Do That Deserve Their Own Reality Show 🎤🤣
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Data Flexer
103 days ago1. They Repeat the Same Sentence 5 Times But Louder Each Time 📢
> “You are blessed!
You are blessed!!
YOU ARE BLESSED!!!
ARE YOU HEARING ME? I SAID YOU ARE BLESSED!!!!”
Okay sir, we heard you the first time 😭
2. They Use Microphone Like It’s Fighting Them 🎙️🥊
Tapping it aggressively, blowing into it, shouting “HELLOOO!”
Even sound engineers fear them.
3. They Will Give 7 Closings Before the Actual Closing 🚪⛪
> “As I round up…”
20 minutes later:
“Before I close finally…”
Another 10 minutes:
“Just give me 2 minutes.”
You go home by 3pm.
4. They Ask ‘Are You Hearing Me?’ Every 2 Sentences 👂
Even if you’re nodding, they’ll ask again.
> “Are you hearing me at the back?”
Bro we’re hearing you even from the next street 😭
5. They Break Into Tongues When English Fails 🔥🗣️
> “There’s somebody here — your destiny has been hanging — reke teke tekeeee!!”
6. They Say Deep Things But Nobody Understands 🤯
> “Until the apple becomes the seed, it can never grow in the mango dimension.”
Congregation: “Hallelujah?” 😩
7. They Prophesy Like Nollywood Directors 🎬🎭
> “I see a woman with a red wrapper… she’s holding your promotion. Raise your hand if your aunt owns wrapper.”
8. They Say ‘Touch 3 People’ Every Sunday 🙌
Even if it’s heat season and you no wan sweat.
> “Touch 3 people and say ‘You can’t stop me!’”
9. Their Bible Will Be Bigger Than Your Laptop 📖💻
One page flip and the whole church will hear fwapp!!
10. They Threaten Demons Like Area Boys 😤👊
> “I command every monitoring spirit:
RECEIVE SLAP FROM HEAVEN! 🔥”
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🤣🤣 Tag that one pastor that preaches like he’s fighting traffic!