A GOOGLE MEDICAL SCHOOL GRADUATE VS ARISTOTLE 😅 It was Aristotle's first week of clinical posting. His white coat was sparkling. His stethoscope was hanging proudly around his neck. His confidence? Borrowed. He was standing beside his consultant, trying his best to look like he understood everything happening around him. Then Mrs. Adeola arrived. The moment she sat down, Aristotle knew there was trouble. Not because she looked sick. Because she came with a phone, a power bank, and the confidence of someone who had spent the entire night on Google. "Good morning, Ma," Aristotle said. She smiled. "Good morning. Before anybody says anything, I already know my diagnosis." The consultant slowly leaned back. Aristotle slowly leaned back. Even the nurse slowed down. This was about to be entertaining. "Oh?" the consultant said. "Please educate us." Mrs. Adeola unlocked her phone. "According to my research, I have a brain tumor." She swiped. "Lupus." Swipe. "Three vitamin deficiencies." Swipe. "An autoimmune disease." Swipe. "And possibly a parasite." Aristotle blinked. "Ma, what symptoms do you have?" She looked at him. "A headache." Silence. The consultant adjusted his glasses. "A headache?" "Yes." "When did it start?" "Yesterday." Aristotle nodded. "Anything else?" "I'm stressed." "Anything else?" "I haven't slept well." "Anything else?" "I drink coffee." "How much coffee?" "About seven cups." The consultant nearly choked. "Per week?" Mrs. Adeola laughed. "No." "Per day." The nurse dropped a file. Aristotle dropped his pen. The consultant dropped all hope. For a few seconds, nobody spoke. Then Aristotle cleared his throat. "Ma, can I ask a question?" "Of course." "When exactly did you start researching your symptoms?" "Yesterday." "How long?" "Maybe six hours." The consultant looked up. "Six hours?" "Yes." Aristotle frowned. "So the headache started yesterday..." "Yes." "And you spent six hours staring at your phone reading scary medical articles..." "Yes." "And after six hours your headache became worse..." "Exactly!" Aristotle turned to the consultant. "Sir, I think I've found one cause." The consultant nodded. "I think so too." Mrs. Adeola sat forward. "The brain tumor?" "No." "The lupus?" "No." "The parasite?" "No." "What then?" The consultant pointed at her phone. "That." The room exploded with laughter. Mrs. Adeola laughed too. "Doctor, are you serious?" The consultant nodded. "Very serious." Then he pointed at her coffee cup. "And that." Then he pointed at the dark circles under her eyes. "And that." Then he pointed back at the phone. "And definitely that." Aristotle couldn't resist. "Ma, Google diagnosed you with five diseases from one headache." "Yes." "At this rate, if you search for hiccups, they'll tell you to write your will." Even the receptionist outside laughed. Mrs. Adeola shook her head. "To be honest, one website actually suggested cancer." The consultant sighed. "Madam, Google once convinced a healthy man that he had seventeen diseases before breakfast." Aristotle added, "And by lunch, he was researching coffin prices." The entire clinic burst into laughter. Mrs. Adeola laughed so hard tears formed in her eyes. "So what do I actually have?" The consultant smiled. "A common headache." "That's all?" "That's all." "No rare disease?" "No." "No surgery?" "No." "No MRI?" "No." "No emergency treatment?" "Yes." Her eyes widened. "I knew it!" The consultant pointed at her. "Go home." "Sorry?" "Sleep." Then he pointed at the coffee. "Reduce this." Then he pointed at the phone. "And stop attending Google Medical School." As she stood to leave, she looked at Aristotle. "Young man, are you sure you're still a student?" Aristotle smiled. "Yes, Ma." "Then why do you sound like a doctor already?" Before Aristotle could answer, the consultant spoke. "Because every medical student eventually develops immunity." "Immunity to what?" The consultant sighed. "Patients who arrive with a diagnosis, treatment plan, and obituary already prepared." The whole clinic roared with laughter. And somewhere that evening, Google lost another patient😅
