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How I Almost Became a Landlord in Lagos (but village people said “Never!”)

Entertainment 15 hrs ago
  • User
    Peterdemian Nzube
    15 hrs ago

     

    1. 

     

    You people won’t believe what happened to me last week.

    I almost became a landlord in Lagos. Keyword: almost.

    Let me tell you the story before you judge me. 😂👇

     

    2. 

     

    So I saw this nice self-contained apartment in Ikorodu.

    Agent said, “Just 150k yearly rent, and small agreement fee.”

    I said “Thank you Jesus” and carried my Ghana-must-go like a born-again tenant.

     

    3. 

     

    That’s how I entered the compound and one woman screamed:

    “Is that the new tenant?! I hope you don’t cook with scent leaf at 2am like the last one!”

    😳

    Ma, I haven’t even signed the form yet. Why the interrogation?

     

    4. 

     

    I met the agent in front of the house.

    He smiled like someone who just ate fried plantain in peace.

    He said, “This compound is peaceful. The landlord lives abroad.”

    That’s when I should have run. But I didn’t.

     

    5. 

     

    I paid 150k rent + 50k agreement + 30k caution + 10k “entry fee”.

    What is entry fee?? Is this a concert??

    But I paid. Because dream of being Lagos landlord was louder than common sense.

     

    6. 

     

    First night in the house…

    NEPA took light. I opened window for fresh air.

    5 mosquitoes entered and started holding meeting on my chest.

    One even bit me and whispered, “Welcome to Lagos.”

     

    7. 

     

    At 2am, the tap in the bathroom started making sound.

    Like someone was gargling water and speaking in tongues.

    I ran outside in boxers. My neighbor said,

    “Don’t worry, that’s just the ghost of the plumber who died here.”

     

    8. 

     

    Ehn? Ghost what??

    I said, “Oga, why didn’t you people tell me before I paid?”

    He said, “We thought you were spiritually strong.”

    Me? Spiritually strong? I still get scared of Nollywood soundtracks!

     

    9. 

     

    Next morning, I went to complain to the agent.

    He blocked me. 😭

    I called the landlord in America.

    He said, “Let the compound spirit accept you first.”

    Sir, I want refund not reincarnation.

     

    10. 

     

    I went back home and saw my neighbor roasting corn in the corridor.

    I asked him, “You get light?”

    He said “No, I use solar fire.”

    Wait what?! Bro is on level 300 of survival!

     

    11. 

     

    As I type this, I’m back in my friend’s house in Agege.

    We may not have space, but we have peace.

    No ghost, no leaking tap, no entry fee, no spiritual rent.

     

    12. 

     

    Moral of the story:

    If the rent sounds too good to be true in Lagos,

    check if the house is haunted, if the agent is real,

    and if your village people are watching with popcorn.

     

    THE END. 😂😂😂

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