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📚 How I Graduated Without Ever Being a Student” — A Tragicomedy of Mistaken Identity
Literature
49 days ago
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49 days agoI was called “Graduate Titus” before I even paid my acceptance fee.
My village believed in me more than JAMB did.
On the day of convocation, I wore a borrowed gown.
My cousin, the real graduate, had malaria. So I stood in… to collect his degree.
The crowd cheered.
Mama wept. Uncle Ben promised me a job at the ministry.
Even my ex sent "I’m proud of you, please reply my DM."
But then…
The Dean read the name aloud: “Emmanuel Chibuzo Bright.”
Silence.
Mama turned. "Your middle name is Chibuzo?" It wasn’t.
I ran. Down the stairs. Past the press.
Straight into a muddy gutter that clapped louder than the audience.
Now, I’m the only non-student in Nigeria who has a frame of a degree he didn’t earn and a limp from jumping over faculty fences.
My mother still tells people I studied “Creative Running.”
And honestly?
She’s not wrong.
🎓🏃🏾♂️💔😂