I am in a rocky relationship

So my bf and I have had a very rocky relationship. I thought we always tried again because we did want each other. We were fighting about two months ago and he messaged this girl asking for a threesome with her and her friend. ( two girls he knows would hurt me and one was an ex) and also told this girl that has lip injections he wants to feel them on him. Seeing these messages hurt me so bad and we did fight over it. I've been very insecure since. He apologized said I had every right to be upset and he really tried talking to me to make me feel better. A couple weeks go by and it's still bothering me. One night I sent him a picture of me in a thong hoping he'd know I want him. He messaged back a dry message saying I look cozy lol so embarrassing. Made me feel like shit because I seen how he talks to other girls. But I don't cause a fuss.

Couple nights later we are drinking and I'm laughing and joking while playing Xbox and that was annoying to him which I can understand it would be annoying trying to make everything funny. But it hurt my feelings so l laid my head down and got quite while tears ran down my face. I felt like he didn't wanna see me laugh so he took it away. He apologized and eventually we went to bed. The next night we were drinking again and I started bringing up him talking to that girl and he apologized a lot and tried to make it better and I just would not drop it. I think just feeling hurt everyday over it and being mad at him and keeping that to myself that when I got drunk it just poured out. He had an awful night with me because I wouldnt stop and I do feel bad and I am sorry I did that to him. That night he said I love you that's why l'm trying to make it better. But now he told me he lied and he doesn't love me. And I fell asleep on the couch and he came over and kissed my head and said night and I felt him and woke up and kissed him back. He does this if I'm already sleeping sometimes I'll feel him kiss my head goodnight and if he didn't love me why would he do this knowing there's a chance I wouldn't wake up and feel it why act like you love me while I'm asleep and i may not know. It all hurts. The next morning I got up off the couch and went and laid in bed with him and we cuddled and kissed and he told me he didn't feel good he felt hung over. I made breakfast for us and when I took it upstairs I said I made you breakfast and he said awesome your the best and we ate together. When we were done I brought our plates down stairs and we were both downstairs he started raking me over the night before which he had every right to. He was loud and being angry and said you wanna talk about it today and I said okay but this isn't talking this is you yelling at me and he said okay we won't talk at all get out of my face. I was sitting across the room. I go downstairs he's yelling things at me and I come up stairs I yell at him and he tells me to leave so I did. Then he's calling me yelling and then hanging up. There was no talking. He even called to yell at me for leaving the leftover crust from breakfast on the plate and raked me for always leaving left overs. I see his point here I should have thrown it out. Bad habit of mine. Later he told me he only gets breakfast and a coffee made if we have a bad night. I always ask him if he wants me to make him a coffee. Always. But breakfast I never make but I didn't make it to try and make up for the night before I made it because he said he didn't feel good and I thought l'd make him something to eat so he didn't have to while he wasn't feeling good. Later that day He broke up with me now and told me he hates me and that he lied when he said he loved me and it was all an act he pretended to like me because he was scared l'd fight with him. I have no idea what to do I left work today because I was crying. My stomach feels sick. I'm hurting so much and he's just good like he's okay with me gone I never meant anything to him. I just want it all to be not true and he just said them hurtful things to hurt me because he's mad. I do love him very much