"God when?" The Nigerian Christian internet's favorite phrase. Under every wedding photo. Under every new house post. Under every couple's vacation. "God when?" It looks like prayer. It is actually poison. I used to type it daily. I was single, struggling, and watching my peers "blow." Every "God when" was a small cut to my self-esteem. It programmed me to believe God was a vending machine dispensing blessings to people who were "due" while I was forgotten. It turned my faith into a comparison sport. Then I stopped. I deleted the phrase from my vocabulary. I stopped measuring my life by Instagram timelines. And something shifted. I started praying differently — not for what others had, but for what I needed. I started celebrating people without envying them. I started recognizing that my journey is custom, not delayed. The "God when" culture is performative Christianity. It is envy wearing a religious mask. It creates a false narrative that God's love is proven by material acquisition. But the Bible I read says Jesus had no place to lay his head. Was God "whenning" on Him? We have turned faith into a competition. Who gets married first? Who buys the car? Who travels? Who has the most beautiful family? And we use "God when" to mask our covetousness. I am done. Have you ever felt your faith was damaged by social media comparison? And is "God when" a harmless prayer or a symptom of spiritual discontent? Let's examine our hearts.