I need advice before I do something I will regret. When I married my husband in 2022, we agreed on one thing: no extended family living with us full-time. We both come from close families, but we wanted to build our own nucleus first. Six months into our marriage, my mother-in-law called to say she needed to come to Lagos for "two weeks" of medical checkups. Of course we said yes. Family is family. Two weeks became two months. Two months became six. Now it has been 14 months, and she shows no signs of leaving. She has rearranged my kitchen. She criticizes how I cook egusi ("too much oil"). She opens my bedroom door without knocking. She told my husband's relatives that I am "too modern" because I wear trousers at home. Last week, she brought her pastor to pray against "the spirit of barrenness" in my womb — we have been married for less than two years and never even said we were trying! My husband is a good man, but he is paralyzed. He says we can't throw his mother out. He says she is old and lonely since his father died. He says I should be more understanding because "African culture" respects elders. But what about respecting me? I left my own parents to build a home with him. I am the one who pays the electricity bill she runs up with her midnight prayers and constant TV. I am the one who cleans up after her. I have suggested renting a small apartment for her nearby. He says that will offend her and the family. I suggested a retirement home — he looked at me like I suggested murder. I am 29 years old, and I feel like a stranger in my own marriage. My mental health is deteriorating. I cry in the bathroom daily. So I ask: Where is the line between culture and abuse? Is a wife ever allowed to say "enough" to her in-laws? Or am I doomed to be the wicked daughter-in-law for wanting my own home back? Married people, how did you handle this?
