“The fear that hunts me till date”

When Erica spent the night at my place for the first time, I left the bed for her and slept on the floor. She was not happy. She asked why, and I told her I liked it that way. When it happened the next time, she came to the floor to join me. She asked why I wouldn’t touch her, and I asked, “Is that what you want?” She said, “Of course yes!”

I touched her, and we went all the way for the first time.

Maybe she thought it was going to continue that way once the first time had happened. It didn’t. She had to tell me she wanted it. I had to ask permission and hear yes from her first. She shouted, “Do you think I come here to watch TV or admire the beauty of your room? What’s this about asking before you do it?”

I spent four days behind bars because of a woman who felt bitter about something I said. She was my girlfriend. We had dated for over a year. I gave her money when I had it. She gave me kindness and love when she ought to.

All was fine until we had a crazy fight one day. I said more than I should because I was hurt. It was basically about another guy who was coming between us. Out of anger, I told her she couldn’t prostitute herself between the two of us, so she should choose. My words hurt her, and I understood it. She said it was over.

A week later, I went to beg her. She still said no. We chatted one day, and I invited her over. She was a little bit soft that day. She said yes to my plea and gave the indication that she had forgiven me, so we had sex to put our troubles behind us. In the morning, she accused me of ra]pe. I made fun of it and asked how. She said,
“Wait and see.”

That same evening, I was picked up by the police. My girlfriend wanted the issue to go to court. My family came pleading, met with her family, and pleaded. Her elder brother knew me. I think he was the one who came through for me, stating that I was indeed her boyfriend, so whatever the issue was should be resolved in a way that wouldn’t hurt my future. The police in charge also helped a lot. According to him, he could sense the innocence in me.

My family had to compensate her with money I didn’t have in life savings before the case was finally dropped and I was set free. I was never the same person again, even up to today. This happened in 2021, but I was only able to have another girlfriend this February.

So when she asked, “What’s this about asking before you do it?” I told her the whole story. She said, “So you think I will do it to you too?” I answered, “I don’t think you’ll do it to me, but I have fears. Four days behind bars puts a scar on your skin and in your mind. I don’t think I will ever be able to not ask before I do it.”

She came to my place one night; she wrote a note and placed it on top of my pillow: “At any time you want to do it, please, yes. Go ahead.”

I laughed. I still didn’t do it, not because I was scared but because I didn’t feel like doing it. She says before she agrees to marry me, I will have to sign a contract that says I will never ask again. I answered, “We’ll be fine.”

I’m sharing this because of a story I just read on your platform. A lot of women are using ra]pe as a weapon because they know that’s the only place they can push a man and he can’t escape. Guys, be careful.