Their bio says 'Homebody. Early sleeper. I don't do nightlife.' They are at the after-party. They are not just present; they are the energy. They are on the table. They are leading the chorus. They are the last to leave. The Nigerian "I don't do clubs" person is the club's most reliable customer. They announce their absence so their presence feels like an event. "Wow, you came out!" everyone says. They bask in the surprise. They were not supposed to be here. Their appearance is a gift. And the performance! They drink more than the regulars. They dance harder than the dancers. They take more photos than the influencers. The "I don't do this" becomes "I'm doing this unlike anyone else." The rarity is their brand. The exception is their power. The next morning, they return to denial. "I can't believe I went out," they post. "My body is not built for this life." The post gets engagement. The sympathy flows. "Rest, queen!" "Take care of yourself!" Meanwhile, they are already planning the next appearance. The body is built for it. The narrative is not. But the comedy! The person who actually doesn't do clubs, watching the performative homebody from the corner. They are actually tired. They actually want to leave. But the "I don't do clubs" person is still dancing. The irony is lost on everyone. Are you the "I don't do clubs" person who is always at the club? Or do you actually stay home and judge from your bed?
