The announcement arrives. "There will be a family meeting on Saturday." The tone is ominous. The location is the patriarch's house. The dress code is serious. The atmosphere is funeral-adjacent. The agenda is unknown. The fear is universal. And the buildup! Speculation fills the family WhatsApp. "Who died?" "Is someone sick?" "Did someone get pregnant?" "Is it about the land?" The theories multiply. The anxiety peaks. The meeting becomes a monster before it begins. The reality? Someone wants to discuss changing the family meeting from monthly to quarterly. Someone wants to propose a contribution for the village church roof. Someone wants to announce a wedding that everyone already knew about. The drama is manufactured. The drama is tradition. But the performance! The elders speak in proverbs. The youths scroll secretly. The women serve food that nobody eats because the tension is too high. The meeting lasts four hours. The decision takes four minutes. The remaining 3 hours and 56 minutes are speeches, prayers, and posturing. And the aftermath! The group chat explodes with analysis. "Did you see what Uncle said?" "Did you notice Aunty's face?" The meeting is never over when it ends. It lives in discussion, in interpretation, in family lore forever. What's the most dramatic family meeting you've attended? And was the agenda worth the performance?
