You call someone. They answer. "Ah! I was just about to call you!" No. No, you weren't. This is the Nigerian coincidence lie. The statistical impossibility that everyone was "just about to call" exactly when you called. The universe aligns. The stars converge. Your timing is miraculous. Or they're lying. And they always say it with conviction. "I swear! I picked up my phone to call you!" They didn't. They saw your name and answered with a prepared lie. The lie is reflex. The lie is culture. The lie is the oil that keeps Nigerian relationships moving. The "I was just about to call you" serves multiple purposes: It flatters you. (You were on their mind!) It excuses them. (They weren't ignoring you, they were preempting you!) It creates intimacy. (We are so connected, we called each other simultaneously!) None of it is true. All of it works. But the rare real occurrence! When you actually were about to call, and they call first. The shock. The validation. The "SEE! I TOLD YOU!" you get to shout. It happens once every three years. You remember it forever. It fuels your belief in the lie for the next thousand interactions. When was the last time someone "was just about to call you"? And did you believe them?
