Three days. That's how long it took. Three days to respond to a text that required three words. But the apology? Masterpiece. "Sorry for the late reply, I was in a meeting with the CEO of my company and then my phone fell in water and then I had malaria and then my village people held a surprise family meeting and then NEPA took light for 48 hours and then I had to travel for an emergency burial and then I forgot my password and then I was praying and fasting and then I got distracted by a bird outside my window." The Nigerian late reply is not negligence. It is performance art. The excuse must be epic. The excuse must be unverifiable. The excuse must make the original message feel trivial by comparison. And the hierarchy! Friends get 3-day delays with novels. Family gets same-day responses with one-word answers. Bosses get immediate replies with "Sir/Ma" prefixes. Crushes get strategic delays calculated to seem busy but interested. The timing is psychology. The timing is warfare. But the worst? The person who replies instantly to everyone else but takes a week for you. You see them online. You see their posts. You see their comments on other people's threads. But your message? Floating in the void. The "late reply" is not busy. The "late reply" is ranking. You have been ranked. What's the most elaborate late-reply excuse you've received? And are you the delayer or the delayed?
