"We need to talk." The four most terrifying words in any language. In Nigerian relationships, they're weaponized. They're scheduled. They're delayed. They're never actually about talking. The timeline: Day 1: "We need to talk." (Sent at 11 PM. Response: "About what?" No reply.) Day 2: "When?" "Soon." (Soon is not a time. Soon is a threat.) Day 3: "Are we still talking?" "Yes, I'm just busy." (Busy preparing the speech. Busy gathering evidence. Busy deciding if it's worth it.) Day 4: The talk happens. Or doesn't. If it happens, it's 20 minutes of circling. If it doesn't, it's rescheduled into infinity. The relationship ends before the talk. The talk becomes a post-mortem. The "we need to talk" is rarely about communication. It's about power. The person who says it controls the timeline. The person who receives it suffers the waiting. The talk itself is anticlimactic. The anticipation is the punishment. And the Nigerian twist! The talk happens in person because "this is not a phone conversation." But the person is never available. They're traveling. They're busy. They're "going through something." The in-person requirement becomes the excuse for delay. The delay becomes the breakup. What's the longest "we need to talk" you've waited for? And did the talk ever happen?
