You told yourself you were over it. You told yourself you didn't care. Then you saw the Instagram post. Your ex — the one who wore Crocs to your cousin's wedding, the one who thought "fine dining" was Chicken Republic, the one who couldn't spell "definitely" — is now with someone who looks like they were sculpted. Their new partner has clear skin, a real job, and teeth that suggest orthodontic intervention. You are offended. Not because you want them back. Because HOW? How did this person who couldn't text back consistently land someone who looks like they have their life together? Did they change? Did you break them? Or were they always capable of better and just didn't think YOU were worth the effort? The investigation begins. You check the new partner's profile. They have a master's degree. They volunteer. They have a skincare routine. You compare yourself. You shouldn't, but you do. You were the upgrade, weren't you? Weren't you? Then you remember: they still snore. They still leave wet towels on the bed. They still think "lol" is a complete sentence. Their new partner will discover these things. The glow-up is temporary. The Crocs will return. Justice is coming. Have you ever seen an ex's new partner and felt personally attacked? And did you stalk, or did you practice self-control?
