I used to be the life of every party. Asoebi? I bought all colors. I attended weddings of people I met once. I danced at funerals. I sprayed mint-fresh dollars at receptions. I was "connected." Then last year, I calculated the damage. In 2024 alone, I spent ₦4.2 million on asoebi, gifts, transport, and "spraying" at various owambes. My salary? ₦6 million annually. I was working five days a week to fund other people's life events. So I stopped. I made a rule: I attend only immediate family events. No more second-cousin weddings. No more "my friend's brother's boss is burying his father." No more asoebi extortion. The backlash was immediate. My friends called me proud. My aunties said I have "forgotten my people." One friend actually blocked me because I didn't attend her third baby shower — she already had two. Nigerian social culture is a pyramid scheme of emotional blackmail. We are guilt-tripped into funding other people's celebrations under the guise of "community." But this community is extractive. It takes from the struggling to glorify the comfortable. The same people who demand your presence never check on your rent. The same people who want your asoebi money won't lend you when you're broke. I am not anti-social. I am anti-poverty-by-peer-pressure. I am rebuilding my finances, my peace, and my boundaries. If that makes me a bad friend, then I was never a friend — I was a sponsor. How much did you spend on owambe last year? Be honest. And have you ever been cut off for refusing to attend an event? Let's expose the social tax we all pay.
